Turn All the Lonely Years to Days
by Phoenix To Flame
Summary: Kotori wasn't left alone in the afterlife. Alone in the shadows is a sad place to be.


Clearly, riding a plane makes me want to write about lesbians, as this thing kidnapped me at the beginning of the flight and held my captive interest for more than three quarters of the flight. All I can say is; it's kind of painful to write non-stop in pen.

I quote three songs in this. The first is found at the very beginning, and is called Melodies of Life, from Final Fantasy IX. The second is within the story itself and is called If Dreams Came True, from Air. The last is a fanciful translation of Suteki Da Ne from Final Fantasy X, and whereas some of the lines match up exactly with the lyrics, others are my own addition. Now that I've taken away your fun of discovering them on your own, I will state that I don't actually own the songs, just to be clear on that fact. Nor do I lay claim to Kotori and Hokuto, they are just very pretty._  
><em>

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><p><em>Alone for a while, I've been searching through the dark<br>For traces of the love you left inside my lonely heart  
>To weave by picking up the pieces that remain<br>Melodies of life, love's lost refrain_

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><p>The afterlife, Kotori presumes, is cool, and misty, the fragile tendrils of fog wrapping around new wings like strands of moon-silver hair.<br>She can still feel the phantom waves of agony from where she crouches on unseen ground, ringing through her body. Every searing line a reminder of being shredded and falling to pieces. Every aftershock of pain like that of heavy wires that dripped her blood where they dangled, ruined, till long after her physical death.  
>The tangles of the future ripple in her mind, soothing the cracks. All the uncertainties of the coming future waver, and settle in one steady, seldom branching line. A sad weaving, but the only way to the future without the world's death.<br>The mist ripples against white wings, white dress, golden hair, and it is silent. She swallows the painregretforgiveness and pushes to her feet. The clouds swirl out in endless pearlescent waves that break upon nothing. A single unbroken thought rings in her mind.  
>She is alone.<br>She walks on invisible ground as she searches for a way out, the mist snarling against her wings like a sociopathic child at play, and it feels like hunger, like games where the weaker side always loses.  
>The ground under her feet shudders and loses tangibility and she topples, the whiteness washing over her and her wings spreading out wide, catching the still air. She does not see the mist spin widely and admit a figure, running through the clouds.<br>The familiar black depths of dreams fills her eyes, and she does not remember hitting the ground, nor slender hands that buffer the fog away, reaching out for her. Kotori's whole world swells to the green of spring growth, butterflies, sorrow.

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><p><em>She sees a young woman her age, beautiful, bright, alive. With short black hair and eyes greener than green, she glows with color and laughter. Kotori feels like butterflies, like sunsets as she looks at the incandescent joy in green green eyes.<br>The girl is laughing, hugging another girl, or perhaps a _very_ feminine boy, who has a smile that is the innocence of untouched forests and morning dew, but uncertain of whether or not they are allowed to feel that happiness. Their faces match exactly, mirrors without glass.  
>There is a shadowed presence, and she cannot make out the new figure within the dream. But he feels of blood without regret, and tarnished silver, and paradoxes.<br>The sadder, hesitant of the mirror two smiles again, and she sees a joy so tangible it is heartbreaking, for in that bright, sudden happiness, she sees death and pain and regret and sacrificial love, love that loves without ever expecting reciprocation.  
>The tableau of falsified games scatters, fades away in innocence drenched and drowned in blood and pentagrams.<em>

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><p>She wakes, if that is what it can be called when one is dead, wakes in the arms of the woman she dreamed off, and understands part of why those green eyes have become so sad. Kotori wants both to cry for her and the cruelties of fate, and to protect her, wrapping her in the shrouds of her wings. But all she can do, all she does is reach up with a trembling hand, to feel soft pale skin that does not vanish under her touch. "Hello, I'm here. And I'm sorry for leaving you alone."<br>Shadowy green eyes look at her, matching stare for stare, and she sees a trace of their former joy lingering in the depths, haunted by terrible self-loathing. The other girl reaches to Kotori's hand, tangling their fingers together. "The future shouldn't have made this the only choice. You shouldn't have had to die." There is no wavering uncertainty in those eyes, and she sees butterflies, sunsets.  
>"But you still would have been alone." She presses again.<br>A dark look settles into her eyes, and she entwines their fingers deeper. "It doesn't matter if I'm alone. That's the choice I made."  
>Kotori hears the lie she tells herself, and feels something within her chest stir. But that vibrant green does not let her say the words that she needs to say, and she lets them slide away like water droplets, and says instead. "I'm Kotori, Monou Kotori."<br>A little life returns to _green_, and she smiles, small but true. "Little bird," she translates, "I'm Hokuto, Sumeragi Hokuto. The big dipper," she adds with a faint grin.  
>The fog whirls in front of her eyes, and her companion's grin vanishes in the blink of a second, dark anger filling her shoulders. She grips both of Kotori's hands, the pressure so hard her fingers turn white, and hisses to whatever lies in the fog. "She is not one of yours, you will not keep her."<br>Hokuto stands, and pulls Kotori with her, the strength in slender arms brooking no arguments allowed. The warmth of Hokuto's hands are frantic butterflies and violently colored sunsets.  
>Hokuto does not let go of her hands, but turns, running with Kotori keeping stumbling pace with her as her heart races. The mist clings to them, all gentle games lost to hunger, but Hokuto does not slow. Kotori bats her wings free of the grasping foggy clouds, feels the wind shredding like her body.<br>Hokuto spits angry words and the clouds melt away under their feet to cobblestones and concrete.  
>Kotori stumbles as the terrain shifts under her feet, smiling as her bare toes adapt to warm stones. Hokuto stops for her, but holds on still.<br>She looks up, at glass, at metal, at a blue, blue sky and buildings that mar the horizon. It feels like Hokuto's, like butterflies and sunsets that sends a pleasant wave of heat through her body, a tripping jolt of her heart.  
>The sound of flapping wings catches her ears, and she whips her head around to see a flock of white doves flying away, away. She takes a step towards them, wings fluttering, and she wants to follow, to see if the sky is as lovely as it looks.<br>The tightening of Hokuto's hand on hers pulls her eyes away from the birds, and she shakes her head. "Not yet. We're too close to the nothingness."  
>Kotori lets herself be pulled along by the other girl, and sees empty streets filled by birds, and bright-winged butterflies.<br>The streets vanish in grey and tiny colors and Hokuto stops in front of what could be an apartment building. The doors shudder, and swing open for them on silent hinges. It's at this time that Kotori realizes the whole city is devoid of sound, or was till her birds. The tight grip and darkness of green fills her mind, and makes her wonder, _'How long did she wait here, alone?'_  
>They pass through the doors that shut just as silently.<br>Hokuto stands there, not looking at her, not speaking. Kotori waits, and she turns around, the beginnings of speech on lovely lips. Kotori does not allow whatever apologies she seems to need to say, just sees the overwhelming loneliness in her eyes, steps forwards and embraces her.  
>She hears Hokuto's first surprised gasp, and a softer sound that isn't born on surprise. Kotori whispers to her, the words running into the tumbling beat of her heart. "You lived in silence, alone, for so long. Let me give you music, and birds, myself." Hokuto shudders in her arms. "You were so brave to be alone for so long, but now you don't have to be. I'm here." She holds onto the other woman, and feels her trembling.<br>Slowly, so slowly, Hokuto's arms wrap around her, and slowly, so slowly, she buries her face in the gold of Kotori's hair that spills over her shoulders, and shakes.  
>For some reason, the melody and words spring to her lips as if from some long forgotten memory. Her voice is not perfect, but it doesn't have to be. It is good enough. "I will spread my wings out wide, let the wind's song lift me high. Feel the breeze-" Hokuto trembles more as she sings, and Kotori spreads her wings, encircles her in a shield of feathers, "-as it caressed my face and my cares just drifted away. In my heart of hearts I see, this was always meant to be. Close your eyes, and with your hand in mine, I would fly away with you, if-" her own voice cracks on the higher note, and she realizes that her tears are joining in, "-if dreams came true."<br>She's too choked up to continue, and Hokuto's tears are audible in the otherworldly silence. Kotori says nothing, does not try to fight the loneliness that is so heavy, lets Hokuto grieve for everything she's lost. Butterflies of sacrifice and fragility, sunsets for a life forced to brevity. Entrancing beauty, and a loving heart that blames herself for all the wrong things.  
>The warm feelings that Hokuto evokes in her fill Kotori with adoration and care, and she believes that she will love this beautiful broken girl with all her heart.<br>Bird wings lay shifting shadows across they as they fly away in the eternal city, in a time between darkness and light.

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><p><em>Wouldn't it be wonderful?<br>To walk together hand in hand  
>Oh how I want to go into your city<br>Into your house  
>Into your arms<br>On these lonely nights  
>Tangled in the confusion of everything<br>Feeling the gaps in the weaving of the day  
>Wrapped in you in the wellspring of darkness<br>I dream_


End file.
